Pick me up

Just over a month ago I……..

– Ate regularly, stressed little
– Weighed more, wore a smaller size (or, two sizes smaller, to be exact)
– Smiled more, worried less
– Sang and danced all day, never whined
– Was always curious and explorative, never social phobia-backed out
– Ate when hungry, stopped when full
– Never denied myself anything, always in for spontaneous adventures

Right now? Turn ’em all around. How the FUCK did things escalate this quickly?

I feel utterly lost being back in the Netherlands. I realize more and more how University pulls me down. I don’t like the atmosphere, I don’t like my courses, I don’t like the people and I don’t like freezing under self-made stress. I am not motivated, stimulated or excited to do any of this. I am closing off from the Big Bad World again, bingeing as if it’s my sole life purpose and generally feeling incredibly down.

The post-travel blues combined with the ever-so-shitty January blues hit hard, and I should have tried a re-do of my previous February positivity challenge (which I recommend you re-read as well, and tell me if you give it a go again!).

I know I need to pick myself back up, and I’ve done some feeble attempts at it, staying with my resolution of saying more ‘yes’ to things and going out more. And it’s helped, when I managed to actually go through with it and enjoy the moment. But I snap back into zombie-mode immediately after.

This weekend’s post was all I could come up with to explain how I feel. I hate how I know someone else can help me get my shit together, and I hate it even more that I know it’s not a long-term solution. I’m okay, even good, when he’s here; it helps me with routine and general calm- and happiness. But the moment he leaves I am back at square one. I need to do this myself, but I am very aware that I’ve been trying just that for years now. It hasn’t worked before, so how should it now? Yet I don’t want to give in to the temptation of letting someone else temporarily fix me. It wouldn’t be healthy, nor would it be fair.

I need a kick up the arse, and a hefty one while I’m at it. Aye, we’ve heard that one before, haven’t we? Any volunteers?

Q: What do you do to get out of a slump? What are your pick-me-ups? How do you find your mojo back?