Sharing is healing

Last time, I blogged about not letting insecurities paralyze me into closing off to real life. It’s still hard, and I’ll be the first to admit I do not say ‘yes!’ to everything, immediately, always. But the realization that I can decide against my initial response is incredible; it creates so many possibilities!

One thing I also mentioned last time, was how saying more yes doesn’t just create fun opportunities and possibilities, it also helps establish deeper connections to others. I’d like to elaborate on this a little.

When my friend asked me what I’d do if he told me he wasn’t feeling too brilliant and how feeling like that held him back from socializing with me, he turned my answer around. If I would come see him in that case, why do I not let someone else do that for me?

bridges2

Sharing my ‘not-best self’ is very confronting, but my guess is that anyone feels that way. One thing I learned over the past one/two years though, is that sharing isn’t just caring, sharing is also healing (Sounds so much better in Dutch though, doesn’t it Joosje?)

Where my first response is to turn inwards when I am not feeling brilliantly, doing the opposite (opening up about it) might be exactly what could help fix things. Over the past year or so, I got a lot better at sharing my struggles, but I mostly got a lot better at sharing my pást struggles. I did not realize I still had trouble in sharing what’s going on ‘in the now’ until my friend pointed out what I am really doing.

My friend got a little angry with me about this. He told me how unfair it is that I close off whenever I am feeling down, rather than to share it. Even though that might sound a bit harsh, he has a really valid point. It is not just through sharing good times that we create a deeper bond with others; it is through sharing our struggles. Our scars make us living beings, but it is our struggles that make us human. And beyond that; it is the sharing of those struggles that makes us connect with other human beings.

Not letting someone into your life when things are ‘a little less than perfect’ is compromising the (potential) relationship you (could) have with someone.

Hello, valid point!

Sharing our struggles with others makes us realize how human such struggles are; we all have them. It puts them into perspective; we are not alone. However unfair it seems that we, humans, are the only ones who seem to (mentally) struggle, it is a beautiful gift simultaneously, because it is exactly those struggles that enables us to connect with others.

Excerpt from a song by Train;

bruises

Sharing struggles, opening up and being vulnerable is not a weakness, it’s a strength. It doesn’t make us less perfect; it makes us better. It makes us better people, it makes us better friends and it makes us better in that it helps heal us.  As I said, sharing is caring, but sharing is also healing.

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Three years of blogging

… And lost all my readers.
Kidding, kidding. Not like I’ve been posting anything to read, anyway!

As you may or may not have noticed, I have been absent from the blogosphere for quite a while now. Apart from a random video and a random comment on others’ blogs every now and then, my blogging mojo as well as my blogging motivation have gone missing. Mostly because I am not doing well, and therefore keeping my life un hold. Which means, basically, I ain’t got nothing to tell. Also, I do not want this blog to become a negative outlet. The only way to change my blogging attitude is to change my life-attitude. And that is by going out and living it, instead of staying inside getting fatter and waiting. Waiting rarely brings anything good, does it?

I know sometimes people say that you will appreciate things more after having to have waited for them. However, life is waiting for you. Your life is waiting to be lived. Not the other way around. 

It is time I start following my own words of wisdom. Practice what I preach. In the meantime, you can follow me via this link (or add me on Insta itself), where I do post regularly, mostly to keep my eyes on all the gorgeous things I have seen and done. Most of which I tend to forget about when I feel how I feel right now.  So a few times a week I make myself go through personal pictures and post some eye-candy.

LIVE

Happy three year blogiversary to MundaneBrain

Monday Motivation / Musings

its-all-in-you

I wanted to share this, because it resonated with me.

Why did it resonate?

Because, while writing someone two weeks ago, in my mind I jumbled together the following;

‘You are exactly what, where and who you are supposed to be’.

Now, I am not calling copyright on this. I am sure other people, great minds, have written this if not similar things. But, it made so much sense. I so longer for this person (and everyone reading this!) to be able to feel that. To feel that they were just right being them. To not Always feel like having to compromise a little something here, to change a little something there. To add some, to deny some, to diminish some.

It has become so natural to so many of us to continuesly renegotiate ourselves. Who we are, what do we stand for, what do we want out of life, what is our purpose? Why, or why not did something happen? Shouldn’t we, or couldn’t we have?

If only we could grasp to this inner truth of being just right, would be such a powerful thing. As the above picture says, we have all we need to deal with all we face. Because we are enough, we are just right! And by acknowledging that, by feeling that, grasping it, we can use it. See it as the powerful burning flame inside us that it is and let it warm us up from the inside. Glow, gleam, shine, beam!

If we would use that flame inside us as a beakon of hope and power instead of continuously burning our fingers trying to manipulate it. When we stop questioning all that we are, could have been or should be. It would leave so much energy to channel in other directions.

Wednesday’s words of wisdom

This monday I decided to do a (long due) Monday Motivation again. Today it is time for another long due series post; a wednesday’s words of wisdom.

green green grass

We all get into a slump sometimes. And oh how easy it is to stay stuck in there. Sometimes it’s just easier to convince ourselves that that is just how it is, or even how it’s meant to be. Others can recover, others can get better. Others can recover without blabla. Others are wiser. You are just blablablaBLA. It’s so easy to compare and then judge yourself. To put yourself on the lowest step of your imaginary ranking. This is life, we are all human. There is no hierarchy. We are equals.

We should stop frickin’ comparing.

Instead of pointing fingers, we should lend each other a hand.

Stop judging. Not just others, but stop judging yourself. We can continue to list out our own flaws, and flat-iron someone else’s. The irony is, the other will probably be doing the same thing. It’s so much easier to name brilliant things about someone you admire, when it is so hard to name even one amazing asset of yourself. I know the popular saying is that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. However, think about this one for a minute;

The grass is greener where you water it

Isn’t that so true? If you keep putting someone else in the spotlight, only allowing yourself to wither in the shadow, how can you expect green grass? Grass doesn’t grow in the dark. It needs both water, light and space. So why not claim it. Claim your light. Your water. Your space. Find out what makes you grow. Your essentials. You cannot grow in (self imposed) shadows, you need and deserve to be acknowledged. Loved. Your soul needs nourishment, just like the grass needs water. Your body deserves to be nourished like that too. And you deserve to claim space. To settle, to ground in. And if your space has a big fence, or a big tree, or a big whatever blocking your direct sunlight, you need to cut it down. Weed out the things depleting your soul soil. You deserve to grow and bloom and blossom

*My feet 5 yrs ago, anklet was replaced by my two ‘wedding-bands’ a year later. Pretty darn green grass though

2013: A word (Monday Motivations)

“When you meet expectations, make sure to have a firm word with them”
(Own translation of a Loesje saying, again)

I decided to do the same with meeting a new year. 2013, to be exact. And I met 2013, like y’all did, almost 2 weeks ago already.

So I had a word with 2013. Or did 2013 have a word with me? Either way, we decided to give each other a shot. See if we’d hit it off, get along. Who knows, maybe there’s potential there?

I’ve always liked the idea of picking a word for the new year; one word to focus on. I don’t do resolutions all that well, mostly because I end up feeling like a total failure, even though (truthfully) I never réally try to make them happen anyway. Picking a word makes more sense, as a general guideline. A slow process, so to speak. (Though, honestly, I’ll probably not remember ‘my word’ most of the year. But, as you probably know by know, my motto is; ‘never try, never know’).

So here I go.

I debated picking my ‘one word’ for this year for three weeks now. And I still haven’t quite made up my mind. I’ve never been a champ in making choices, I’ll admit. I’ve been juggling two words; Balance and authenticity.

Kawah Ijen

Both seem like nice ‘goals’. Not just for this one year; since they are both words that are dear to me, therefore both are words I’d like to be part of me and my future in the greater sense of time. ‘Balance’ feels like what I long for most, to find my middle ground, my happy place. I am a very black/white type of girl, very much ‘all or nothing’. To be somewhat of a grey mouse, somewhat of a sterdy ‘rock’, seems like such a tranquil state of being. Easy living, so to speak. Not easy as in, without problems, but easy as in; mellow and soft. Like easy listening (“Soft and unobstrusive”). It seems like a good state of being to build upon. Which brings me to ‘authenticity’. I suppose this is a goal for every human being, it might even be the goal of life. To find your true self, your inner you. Especially for people who have had a rough time, who feel like they need to find themselves ‘back’, authenticity almost seems like a goal itself. But, just like balance, it’s not. Life is a journey, and we change along the way. Our authentic selves can do nothing but change along with us. Therefore, balances shift.

Authenticity seems so very closely linked to that word of ‘balance’, especially for me. Balance feels like how I want my life to feel like, from where I can find my authentic self. Balanced is also what I’d like my authentic me to be.

I think it’s clear though that both of these words are things I feel are lacking in my life, yet both are things I strongly long for. My other half recently wrote me (when I shared her my dilemma) the following: “authenticity leads to a greater balance”. She’s true. Ofcourse. She always is. But I think it’s a dual relationship; authenticity doesn’t just lead to greater balance, balance creates the tranquility to explore your ‘inner you’. Thus, balance can lead to a deeper sense of authenticity.

After this very tumultuous year (or, several years, really), I decided to pick ‘balance’ as my core focus for 2013. However, I do realize both are intrinsically, dually connected, and that both are not goals in themselves. They are not static endpoints. Rather, they are dynamic, never-ending processes. They evolve as we evolve, and we grow as they grow. And I am still growing

What are your goals/plans/resolutions/words for 2013?
                                                                  *Pictures are mine, please keep it that way

Monday Motivations

Please, all pictures are mine unless stated otherwise.

Live without limits, Cuba style

Traveling is a way to ask questions you wouldn’t ask at home.
                                      Not about the country, but about yourself.
~Herman de Coninck

Wednesdays words of wisdom

As a procrastination for writing down what I am actually feeling, I leave you guys with the quote that I have on my mirror (the only thing I see when I look at it, as I try to avoid my reflection at the moment)

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction” ~Winston Churchill

(&Who are we to disagree?)