2014: A word (Monday Motivations)

Like last year, I had a word with the new year. Or maybe this time, I had a word with myself.

The post published last, was one I wrote when I was still in my Asian bliss. When I was still ín Asia even, to be exact. But after coming home, as always, there was the post-travel blues. The cold weather, Uni stress, deadlines, moving into a new place, the big city life, loneliness, the Dutch weather and the general post-holiday blues combined got to me, as was to be expected. So, it was time to have a word.

First, let’s zapp back a year. Last year I debated between the words ‘balance’ and ‘authenticity’, concluding that they were intertwined. As my word for the year I chose ‘balance’, as it would help me with my path to grounding in authenticity as well. Now I must admit, I did not think of my word very often. All the more ironic that, looking back, 2013 was indeed for a large part about finding my balance and finding myself again. And, dare I say, I think I came quite a long way in the search.


Now here is 2014, and like last year, there are two words that made an appearance to me in one form or another. They are thus the two words for me to choose from. One is ‘senang’, and the other is ‘catching up’ (ok, ok… That’s not one word, but you will survive that little detail, right?)

The former word probably needs some translating for you, as it is an Indonesian word. ‘Senang’ has been a word close to my heart for almost ten years. I can’t think of a precise translation, but it means something alone the lines of ‘at peace’, ‘tranquil’ and ‘happy’. In difficult days, I would write and draw all over my body as a form of coping and simultaneously ‘letting it out’. The word ‘senang’ made a regular appearance on my skin.

‘Catching up’ is a more difficult term for me to introduce, as it comes with a lot of heart ache. Now that I’m getting older (oh hey, I forgot to mention; I turned 25 almost three months ago!) I realize more and more of how much I missed out on in life. There’s over two years of devotion to addiction and recovery, but that is just the start. Before all of that visible chaos, there was chaos deep down for years already. I have always been a terribly insecure girl, and this has kept me from so many things. Bubbly and happy on the outside, I was in fact not even close to what a happy adolescent should be like. This leaves me in a very odd position at 25; ready to live life to its fullest, but so far behind on so many levels compared to everyone my age (including my own friends). I realize that on other levels, my history leaves me more mature than most of them combined. This does not, however, take away the fact that I lack a lot of ‘mundane’ (what’s in a name!) life experience. While it is hard to admit and even harder to make happen, I think it’s time I took a plunge and made up for the lost time. I do not plan on behaving like a 16-year old teenager, but it does mean I should start trying scary things that might be so seemingly irrelevant to most others. I must admit, this is scary shit.

‘Senang’, being about tranquillity, seems to be impossibly integrated with ‘catching up’, which is about pushing boundaries. But maybe that’s how an adult should make up for lost years; instead of going wild, doing it in a more peaceful fashion. However, like ‘authenticity’ last year, I think ‘senang’ should go on my long-term list. Both are not things to aim for or achieve within a fixed year time frame. They will come with time and dedication, and I will give them that whatever the year is.

Which means, this year will be a scary one.

Catching up is incredibly intimidating, not just because it requires me to break out of comfort zones, but more so because it requires me to admit (to myself and others) that there are so many things to catch up in.

That is hella confronting stuff. Plus, I am the thinking-kind, not the taking-action-kind; more of a nay-sayer than I’d like to admit. 2014 will be the year to change this. Yay-saying, actively venturing out into the big scary-people-world and making new connections.

2014, bring it on.


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Filter it (Monday motivation)

Sunny cheers to a “new beginning”.
To trying again.
To starting over.

Because May 13th is as good as January 1st in my book.

Because I am fed up with how impossible I make my own life. How, purposely, I push myself away from happiness. “When I lose my excess fat, I will….”


Yes, I am hella uncomfortable in my skin. Yes, I freak out when I am meeting with people I haven’t seen in months, fearing their judgement. Yes, I grew out of all my clothes and I can’t face shopping for new ones.


But that’s nothing new now, is it?

So I will stop making excuses. Stop hiding and running.

I can’t even run if my life depended on it, so how does it make sense to run from it?

I can find my happy place back. I will. And until then, I’ll just instagramfilter it so it at least looks pwetty.


It’s a long, shitty and bumpy road. Least we can do, is do it in style. Join me in my pink limousine? I got us two, just in case.

Motivational Monday; Staying positive

It’s been a long time since I’ve done a motivational monday post, but when I bumped into this video this weekend I knew it was perfect. So I just had to share. Especially after the whole month of positive challenges (which I know fly right out of your routine again só fast if you don’t keep practicing actively!) I just had to share. So here ya go, enjoy :)

PS; yes, I changed the layout of my blog. Sort of in line with my latest post, but I am not sure if I like it yet. It feels so….. mature?

A Positive Month; Day 11

Rise and shine gorgeous! It’s Monday bloody Monday again. And though sometimes I thoroughly enjoy starting the new week, I honestly hate having to wake up early. Admitted, when I am allowed to sleep in, I never do as I used to/as my brother does. I tend to be up and dressed by ten latest. But the fact that I háve to wake up early just sucks, it’s the ‘having to’ thing that makes me dread that alarm and hate getting up a gazillion times more. On an early Uni-day, I have to be in the train by 6, meaning my alarm is set at 5 (yes, it takes me an hour to wake up, shower, get dressed, pack my stuff and race to the station), which I would call a pretty inhumane time, no? But do you know what helps? Ha, there you have it again; a positive mindset. So, today..

11. Greet the day (and the new week!) with positivity (before getting out of bed)

Just take a moment to roll over, giggle and yawn into your pillow, hug your covers one last time, take a deep breath, SMILE, stretch and get your pretty little feet out of bed. Open your blinds, greet the sun, and go about your morning routine. As I told you guys last week, an absolute must for me is a hot shower in order to wake up. I set my alarm early enough to be able to shower for at least ten minutes, I need it more than an extra ten minutes of sleep. Then I turn on my radio (regular wake up time = the ‘crazy hour’ at the radiostation, meaning I wake up with Spice Girls, Tom Jones or happy songs music on a daily basis) and sing, dance and jiggle my way into my clothes. It’s the only way I can make it to the station with a smile on my face, grab that cup of freshly ground cappuccino and run (álways late!) to catch my train.

What is your morning routine? And how do you make sure you start your day positively?

A Positive Month; Day 4

Do you remember those days where you and your girlfriends would sit outside school and gossip about the boys in your class? Or daydream about that guy from your favourite TV-show? (Who was your imaginary boyfriend-actor?). And you would giggle about all the possibilities that existed in your minds, everything that, maybe, one day, you could do when you would meet. Or remember that one time someone did something utterly embaressing and you couldn’t help yourself from bursting into laughter, or when you said something silly that sent a bunch of people into a giggle fit? Just reminisce on those silly moments, and soon you’ll find yourself doing just that again;

4. Giggle like a schoolgirl

Because it’s so much fun!

Just to get you in the mood for giggles;

2013: A word (Monday Motivations)

“When you meet expectations, make sure to have a firm word with them”
(Own translation of a Loesje saying, again)

I decided to do the same with meeting a new year. 2013, to be exact. And I met 2013, like y’all did, almost 2 weeks ago already.

So I had a word with 2013. Or did 2013 have a word with me? Either way, we decided to give each other a shot. See if we’d hit it off, get along. Who knows, maybe there’s potential there?

I’ve always liked the idea of picking a word for the new year; one word to focus on. I don’t do resolutions all that well, mostly because I end up feeling like a total failure, even though (truthfully) I never réally try to make them happen anyway. Picking a word makes more sense, as a general guideline. A slow process, so to speak. (Though, honestly, I’ll probably not remember ‘my word’ most of the year. But, as you probably know by know, my motto is; ‘never try, never know’).

So here I go.

I debated picking my ‘one word’ for this year for three weeks now. And I still haven’t quite made up my mind. I’ve never been a champ in making choices, I’ll admit. I’ve been juggling two words; Balance and authenticity.

Kawah Ijen

Both seem like nice ‘goals’. Not just for this one year; since they are both words that are dear to me, therefore both are words I’d like to be part of me and my future in the greater sense of time. ‘Balance’ feels like what I long for most, to find my middle ground, my happy place. I am a very black/white type of girl, very much ‘all or nothing’. To be somewhat of a grey mouse, somewhat of a sterdy ‘rock’, seems like such a tranquil state of being. Easy living, so to speak. Not easy as in, without problems, but easy as in; mellow and soft. Like easy listening (“Soft and unobstrusive”). It seems like a good state of being to build upon. Which brings me to ‘authenticity’. I suppose this is a goal for every human being, it might even be the goal of life. To find your true self, your inner you. Especially for people who have had a rough time, who feel like they need to find themselves ‘back’, authenticity almost seems like a goal itself. But, just like balance, it’s not. Life is a journey, and we change along the way. Our authentic selves can do nothing but change along with us. Therefore, balances shift.

Authenticity seems so very closely linked to that word of ‘balance’, especially for me. Balance feels like how I want my life to feel like, from where I can find my authentic self. Balanced is also what I’d like my authentic me to be.

I think it’s clear though that both of these words are things I feel are lacking in my life, yet both are things I strongly long for. My other half recently wrote me (when I shared her my dilemma) the following: “authenticity leads to a greater balance”. She’s true. Ofcourse. She always is. But I think it’s a dual relationship; authenticity doesn’t just lead to greater balance, balance creates the tranquility to explore your ‘inner you’. Thus, balance can lead to a deeper sense of authenticity.

After this very tumultuous year (or, several years, really), I decided to pick ‘balance’ as my core focus for 2013. However, I do realize both are intrinsically, dually connected, and that both are not goals in themselves. They are not static endpoints. Rather, they are dynamic, never-ending processes. They evolve as we evolve, and we grow as they grow. And I am still growing

What are your goals/plans/resolutions/words for 2013?
                                                                  *Pictures are mine, please keep it that way

Monday Motivations

Please, all pictures are mine unless stated otherwise.

Live without limits, Cuba style

Traveling is a way to ask questions you wouldn’t ask at home.
                                      Not about the country, but about yourself.
~Herman de Coninck