Sharing is healing

Last time, I blogged about not letting insecurities paralyze me into closing off to real life. It’s still hard, and I’ll be the first to admit I do not say ‘yes!’ to everything, immediately, always. But the realization that I can decide against my initial response is incredible; it creates so many possibilities!

One thing I also mentioned last time, was how saying more yes doesn’t just create fun opportunities and possibilities, it also helps establish deeper connections to others. I’d like to elaborate on this a little.

When my friend asked me what I’d do if he told me he wasn’t feeling too brilliant and how feeling like that held him back from socializing with me, he turned my answer around. If I would come see him in that case, why do I not let someone else do that for me?

bridges2

Sharing my ‘not-best self’ is very confronting, but my guess is that anyone feels that way. One thing I learned over the past one/two years though, is that sharing isn’t just caring, sharing is also healing (Sounds so much better in Dutch though, doesn’t it Joosje?)

Where my first response is to turn inwards when I am not feeling brilliantly, doing the opposite (opening up about it) might be exactly what could help fix things. Over the past year or so, I got a lot better at sharing my struggles, but I mostly got a lot better at sharing my pást struggles. I did not realize I still had trouble in sharing what’s going on ‘in the now’ until my friend pointed out what I am really doing.

My friend got a little angry with me about this. He told me how unfair it is that I close off whenever I am feeling down, rather than to share it. Even though that might sound a bit harsh, he has a really valid point. It is not just through sharing good times that we create a deeper bond with others; it is through sharing our struggles. Our scars make us living beings, but it is our struggles that make us human. And beyond that; it is the sharing of those struggles that makes us connect with other human beings.

Not letting someone into your life when things are ‘a little less than perfect’ is compromising the (potential) relationship you (could) have with someone.

Hello, valid point!

Sharing our struggles with others makes us realize how human such struggles are; we all have them. It puts them into perspective; we are not alone. However unfair it seems that we, humans, are the only ones who seem to (mentally) struggle, it is a beautiful gift simultaneously, because it is exactly those struggles that enables us to connect with others.

Excerpt from a song by Train;

bruises

Sharing struggles, opening up and being vulnerable is not a weakness, it’s a strength. It doesn’t make us less perfect; it makes us better. It makes us better people, it makes us better friends and it makes us better in that it helps heal us.  As I said, sharing is caring, but sharing is also healing.

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12 thoughts on “Sharing is healing

  1. Thank you for this great post. We are all human hence NO PERFECTION! I also find when I ‘show up’ and be REAL…it lessens SHAME, which for me has been a big ‘road block’, to a fuller life….although I’m on the right path. I am grieving, as my beautiful dog had advanced cancer and I lost him. So I’m a bit lost…..lol
    Love Ziggy

  2. Delen is……Wat een mooi en kwetsbaar verhaal. En zo herkenbaar. Ik doe het ook. Muren om me heen. En hoezeer ik ook niet hou van generaliseren, het is ook de Westerse maatschappij. Altijd hoger, beter, sneller. Door jouw verhaal ga ik hier ook weer over nadenken (en handelen….). Dank je lieverd en we blijven Delen (met een hoofdletter!)

  3. Het was de meest mooie en waardevolle sessie. En ik ben heel erg trots. Als Mo zegt dat het goed met je gaat en je goed aanvoelt in de healing,
    dan gaat het ook goed. En daarna door naar mijn ouders op de thee. Was een superdag.

  4. I am a great believer in sharing and feel we can become so isolated as we age and to share our lives makes us better human beings. To share all the ups & downs as well as the day to day living helps us get through life. if we are isolated we become less responsive to others and retreat into our shells and as you say sharing is a great healer.

  5. It sounds like you have a really wonderful friend.
    Great insights here and nicely written.
    The only thing I’d add, is that for those of us who have been abused, it’s OK to take your time and be gentle with how you open up to others. Trust and safety take time to develop between people. I’m learning how to keep opening up in little steps. Rather than going all or nothing.
    but yes the ultimate healing seems to happen WITH other people. AND yes it’s fun to relate with others.

    • Oh yes, you are always allowed time. Babysteps! Not only for those with an abuse history, but for everyone. It’s okay to push your boundaries when they hold you back, but never push yourself so far that it breaks you. That’s not worth it. But yes, babysteps together, that’s the best way xxx

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