Pick me up

Just over a month ago I……..

– Ate regularly, stressed little
– Weighed more, wore a smaller size (or, two sizes smaller, to be exact)
– Smiled more, worried less
– Sang and danced all day, never whined
– Was always curious and explorative, never social phobia-backed out
– Ate when hungry, stopped when full
– Never denied myself anything, always in for spontaneous adventures

Right now? Turn ’em all around. How the FUCK did things escalate this quickly?

I feel utterly lost being back in the Netherlands. I realize more and more how University pulls me down. I don’t like the atmosphere, I don’t like my courses, I don’t like the people and I don’t like freezing under self-made stress. I am not motivated, stimulated or excited to do any of this. I am closing off from the Big Bad World again, bingeing as if it’s my sole life purpose and generally feeling incredibly down.

The post-travel blues combined with the ever-so-shitty January blues hit hard, and I should have tried a re-do of my previous February positivity challenge (which I recommend you re-read as well, and tell me if you give it a go again!).

I know I need to pick myself back up, and I’ve done some feeble attempts at it, staying with my resolution of saying more ‘yes’ to things and going out more. And it’s helped, when I managed to actually go through with it and enjoy the moment. But I snap back into zombie-mode immediately after.

This weekend’s post was all I could come up with to explain how I feel. I hate how I know someone else can help me get my shit together, and I hate it even more that I know it’s not a long-term solution. I’m okay, even good, when he’s here; it helps me with routine and general calm- and happiness. But the moment he leaves I am back at square one. I need to do this myself, but I am very aware that I’ve been trying just that for years now. It hasn’t worked before, so how should it now? Yet I don’t want to give in to the temptation of letting someone else temporarily fix me. It wouldn’t be healthy, nor would it be fair.

I need a kick up the arse, and a hefty one while I’m at it. Aye, we’ve heard that one before, haven’t we? Any volunteers?

Q: What do you do to get out of a slump? What are your pick-me-ups? How do you find your mojo back?


10 thoughts on “Pick me up

  1. How do I get out of a slump? Well, over the last few months, I’ve found writing to be incredibly therapeutic. This is strange – there seems to be something qualitatively different between writing for myself in my journal, and writing for my blog, which I know other people might read (even though I blog anonymously, and even though I don’t know the people who read it, except by their pen names). Anyway, that works.
    Exercise always works, though the good old depression catch-22 kicks in: I know exercise will help me, but I can’t summon the will to exercise. Blah.
    Therapy works, REALLY works, for me. I’ve found a therapist who can be of genuine help. This is a great blessing.
    And I watch a lot of TV :-) Maybe because I was never allowed to do this as a kid, so it’s not only a distraction, but it feels like a naughty treat.
    Looking forward to reading about how you move forward out of your slump.

    • Exercise…. I’ve been meaning to start yoga since forever, and always freak out (or binge, which is kind of the same thing) before so I never make it there. People say it can be incredibly helpful, but I haven’t had the chance to try it yet. I’m the least sporty person you’ll ever come across…

      Writing, talking, sharing…. Yes. With people who seem to genuinely care and/or understand, such as fellow bloggers, REAL friends (so rare!) and a good T. And for me, swap the TV for good books. Not as a naughty treat but to lose myself in for a moment.

      Good to write these down. Ill try to read and talk more this week. That sounds doable. The exercise thing……. Maybe, in the future. I’ll blog about the process for sure! xx

      • Good on you :-) I felt a bit bad a few hours ago, because I thought “maybe it was a rhetorical question, and I offended by answering?” LOL good old depressed mind putting the worst possible spin on things! You might like to check out http://journalthroughdepression.wordpress.com/ a brave fellow traveller who is doing yoga training right now.

        I also read a lot, except when I’m really really low, because then I can’t concentrate from page to page. I’m not too bad at present, so can enjoy reading again – for which I’m grateful!

        I’ll look forward to reading about your experiments. Best wishes.

  2. Sporten. Buiten zijn en wandelen of fietsen. Mijn kinderen knuffelen. Vrijen met mijn man. Craniosacraal therapie. Mo. Delen met vriendinnen. Op eigen benen staan. Eigen verantwoordelijkheid nemen. Geen shit meer van andere mensen aannemen. Bij mezelf blijven.
    Ook ik heb nog moeite met de dagen. Het komt en het gaat. Moeite met het eeuwig durende slechte weer. Moeite mijn figuur. Gekut met eten. Verdrietig over dat Mies zijn baan kwijt is. Wanhopig daarover. Maar daaronder zit een basis, een kracht waardoor het anders is. Sterker. En dat helpt me om mezelf weer op te pakken en weer in de flow te komen. Liefs Jo

    • Sporten heb ik dus nooit gedaan.. Het lijkt me heerlijk om dat heerlijk te vinden. Woonde ik ook maar bij het strand om uit te waaien!!

      Jullie staan zó sterk nu Joosje, het is zó fijn om te zien! Natuurlijk gaat het met ups and downs, maar je werkt eraan en die basis héb je. Heerlijk <3

  3. I would not accept the “kick up the arse”.

    The first thing I do is walk. Exercise is the best. I like walking because it doesn’t take a lot of infrastructure, like going to a yoga class. When I’m in a slump, it takes too much to challenge myself with something like a class (social stuff, $, getting there, someone else’s program etc). Not that yoga or other classes are bad….it’s a matter of what I can handle. At a different point, when not in a slump, then a class suits well.

    But in general, getting connected to other people is the best remedy for me. It’s hard to do because social stuff stresses me. But selectively finding one or more people I can genuinely relate with, who care about me, is the best response to the slump or the back slide.

    I watch movies if I’m in a really bad place. Even tho it is a mild form of numbing out, it is far better than binging and purging. It’s a good tiny step.

    As for your being “needy”….I can understand that you don’t like being dependent on someone else to lift you up. In the long run that probably isn’t a good remedy. BUT, if in a serious backslide, it can be considered a temporary “emergency” aide. And nothing to feel bad about. In fact we do need each other. Accept the help and keep searching for other help too. Realizing it’s temporary. Being humbled by needing help is part of healthy self care. Just remembering these things are relative. At another point it would be good to challenge oneself to broaden her base of support beyond your beloved.

    Reaching out to others via blogging can be a great tool/strategy to broaden your base of self care. “Yes” to the positivity project.

    Love to YOU!!!

    • I had to let your comment sink in bit. Its quite brilliant in that it’s exactly me. Whoa.

      Yes, walking is the only thing I do as well. Preferably in the dark, so I don’t have to face people face me when I’m in a slump. And I need the stargazing (which is why I then hate living in a big city, you can never really see the sky that well!)

      Connecting to people, sharing your shit, is HARD. But you’re right, I need others to get me out of my cave and face life again as well. As to being needy; you are absolutely spot on right. Like, yes. But it’s so incredibly confronting and frustrating to ‘use’ others, even though I know they want to help me, so I am denying them their chance to do so. Humbling, relative and temporary are good words to keep in mind when it comes to that. Thank you for pointing that out. And truth is; I’d want someone else to accept my help if they were in my position, so why do I deny their chance to do something for me?

      Thank you for your thought provoking comment Gel!! xxx

  4. Dopamine building activities — good examples of those are things that are productive. Tackling a chore, cleaning a drawer. Finally fixing that wall that needs touch up. Finally changing the address on my drivers license. Paying my bills on time. Taking a walk someplace new. Etc.

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