While serving food those who needed it, in my ‘other hometown’ across the globe, I realized the irony but especially the beauty of that moment. Me, serving food to the needy. Me not being one of the needy, as I just had a lovely dinner with new and a little less new friends.

That exact moment made me realize that the past nine weeks of travel made me re-find my stable self after those chaotic years. I think I am now able to say, I am okay.  I realized that to heal, sometimes you need to dig deep. Dig deep in yourself. Yet sometimes, healing requires you to break out. Break out and get away from everything you think you are.

And apparently, sometimes, it takes both.

Either way, healing takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of energy, a lot of tears, a lot of trying over and, albeit reluctantly, it indeed also takes a lot of support.

I am not jinxing this, nor am I making any crazy promises or predictions. I just want to say; I am thankful. For everything (yes, everything!) and everyone in my life, I am thankful.

Happy (late) new year you all!


Namaste :)



11 thoughts on “2014

  1. Lieve Zoetje. Ook ik heb mezelf gevonden, maar dan zonder op reis te gaan. Ja, op reis naar binnen toe. Ik ben zo blij dat jij ook op reis bent geweest, naar India en naar jezelf. Ik hoop je snel te zien, maar je zit in mijn hart. Liefs Joosje

    • Toch blijft t eng dat “echte mensen” mijn blog lezen. Of, mensen? Jij! En toch is het bevrijdend. Nog eerlijker. Rauwer. Dus daarom ook de disclaimer, het blijven voor mij ‘momentjes’, in NL heb ik meer moeite met het weer oppikken en vasthouden van al dat moois van die tien weken. Frustrerend, maar uiteindelijk straks vast leerzaam.

      Oh Joosje dat SMSje van je over verliefd worden, rust vinden… Ik word er nog warm van!

      Ik kom graag even een keer een bakkie doen zodra k weer in rustiger (uni)vaarwater dobber! Hoop jou ook snel weer te zien lekkerding! xx

  2. I am so happy to read this, I have missed you. I’m not even surprised that you are somewhere far from home, yet at home in yourself, helping others. Such wise words – and something I needed to hear right now, too. ED traps us in a tiny little microcosm that’s all within. Everything is internalised. To break out of that prison we need to break out literally, reach out and reach INTO life, jump right in and LIVE it. ADDing things always works better than just trying to take things away. Filling our lives with meaningful pursuits can help to eventually crowd the unwanted, unhelpful ED stuff out. And reminding ourselves that we are needed, our lives are meaningful, are important, that we have the potential to do so much, to help people, to change the world – I think that’s important too. ED makes us nobody. But we are somebody and we are needed, every single one of us.

    Thank you again for such wisdom.
    Love Fiona xxx

    (somehow all my wordpress notifications went to spam in my email and I pretty much stopped visiting/reading blogs. I have so much to catch up with and I hope you have been okay).

    • I wasn’t helping others, I was finally helping myself. The soup kitchen was a one-night thing that happened to cross my path. Again, isn’t it ironic?

      We all have a purpose. Living. The grandest of all! Living and connecting, to others and to ourselves.

      I hope you are well Fi, email me if you care to
      Lotsalove x

  3. Dear Sooz,
    I’m smiling in reading from you. Thank you for inspiring, I agree with Fi, filling your life with purpose, takes away some of the power of a ED. I’m doing some volunteering and it’s a great feeling to feel there is a purpose and life is ‘waiting’….sending happy smiles and brightly colored rainbows into your life!…lol
    Love Ziggy

  4. Pingback: 2014: A word (Monday Motivations) | THE WORLD OF CHAOS IN MY HEAD

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