Okay, tears

It’s so hard to acknowledge Tears drop teardrops
not everything is ‘fine’

It’s so hard to let yourself
learn to speak your mind

It’s so hard to not run from
but familiarize the fears

It’s so hard to let flow instead
of fighting back the tears

Try not to tame the monsters
but to befriend them

It’s time to learn to say

‘I am’,

‘sometimes, not okay’

*Sometimes/every/tear/drops/a/heavy/weight/from/your/shoulders, 2011
~ Forgive me for this horrible rhyme, my mind is just a bit, yeah, not okay


15 thoughts on “Okay, tears

  1. Hello sweetie,
    It’s totally ok to ‘say’ your not ok!! I wish I could sit with you in your pain. I am thinking of you, hoping behind these black clouds and stormy weather you WILL find a rainbow ! It’s a proven fact that crying releases the same, ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters in the brain, as if you have just exercised, I encourage you to be BRAVE and let the tears fall. Expressing emotions in this healthy way may help, as I put it, just give yourself a ‘room for rent’ in your head for ANYTHING positive to reach you. I know in my self it’s ‘full house’ in my head: there’s NO rooms for ‘rent’ to ‘see’ ANYTHING as positive. Please take care, be safe, this pain shall PASS! Also know as alone as you sound, your are in company, no one near you may know, however there are many people in ‘community’ who will be ‘cheering you on’. Sending compassionate vibes to your inner soul! May you protect her, I stand with her in opposition to these LOUD negative monsters inside. The judgements are LIES, you are a compassionate loving soul, may your eyes see that…it can and will happen… For now trust in people who care! ( this does NOT include your ED voices!!!!)

  2. *big hug* indeed. it’s ok to say you’re not ok. because, in the end, it’s you you’re admitting it to. everyone else that cares can see you’re not ok even if you say you are. cry. let it out. share the tears. we’re right here with the umbrellas :D ( hey.. heaps of cute ones nowadays! :P)

    • I have a red one with cows………… Have had it for YEARS. I lost it in KL, but the hotel security had remembered it was mine and a week later (!) when I returned to KL he handed it back ;)

  3. ((hugs))
    I wish there was some way for me to help… you always listen to me, I would love you to know I am here to listen to your not OKs.

    • Thank you hon. I think for me right now the biggest step is to (learn to) say these things out loud in real life more than anything. Im known for moaning and ranting and venting online, but in real life I wear a happy mask. But I am (very actively) learning… Confrontating to say the least. How are you? (still no mail?)

    • For that terribly, cheesy middle-school rhyme! Here it is tradition to write a ‘poem’ at Christmas for someone who’s name you drew, and it always ends in cheesy, rhymey rhymes, and the above felt like one of those Christmas-rhymes (I think its a typical Dutch tradition?)

  4. Dear you,

    As you know, I know what you are going thru. Where is all this pain coming from, to us, beautiful girls, that look thin and happy from the outside? But on the inside… holy crap is it sometimes dark.

    Imagine if we could just forget all the stuff in our heads and live without thinking or feeling any negative things. Just go on like ignorant little blondies… happy right there and now. Not wishing for anything else, or anything more to be well. Just happy with the way we today are, with the lot or little stuff that we have to do. Not thinking that our doings matter in what our worth at the end of the day is.

    This things I’m developing here sounds actually so tempting… if we had no negative feelings. Just an unmovable belief that we are awesome. Our life is awesome. Right now. Wouldn’t that be nice…?

    • Our lives ARE awesome Susa. They are. And not feeling feelings isn’t what I (or you, I think) want either. We’ll get through it, babysteps!! We (unfortunately) can’t fix everything at once. Do you remember the -even- darker days, where we didn’t feel all these heavy emotions, but where we also didn’t feel true joy either? See the difference from there? Means we’re already a (baby)step in the right direction.

      Hang on in there with me, fightersis

  5. My heart goes out to you Sooz, so much pain. I believe in you 100%, unfortunately the nature if this beast is that we have such ups and downs. (((hugs))) hang in there xxxx

  6. epiphany – “Do you remember the -even- darker days, where we didn’t feel all these heavy emotions, but where we also didn’t feel true joy either?”

    thanks for the reminder- sometimes tears are worth celebrating too :D

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