A Positive Month; Day 15

How was yesterday’s exercise? Was it hard? Oh man the first time I tried it, I cried and cried. Do you see yourself loving yourself unconditionally in the future?

Today we’re gonna do something scaaareeeey!

15. Make eye contact with a stranger

Actually, I apparently do this all the time. I need nit. And I didn’t realize this was ‘weird’ until different people in different situations/places/countries started to point it out to me. How easily I have contact with others, how come that happens? I thought about it and I guess it’s because I’ve already made contact before I make contact. Let me explain; I make eye contact with everyone, even on the streets. Every completely random passer-by. So when the moment occurs where actual contact is required, I’ve already made that first step; my eyes have already met someone. It also, apparently, makes me very approachable for others. Sometimes this can lead to strange situations, such as drunk and weird people/men approaching me with random things to say, but even that I don’t mind. I don’t feel intimidated very easily, so when I am approached, I just go with it. I can do small talk and then say bye without feeling overwhelmed.

BUT

There’s a different kind of eye-contact with strangers. Oooo youknowwhatimtalkingabout! The flirtatious kind! I used to be the master of flirts, seriously. I would walk into a pub and I had a drink waiting before I had even taken off my coat; no problem. But I lost this ‘ability’ (hesitant to call it that, haha) when I got ill. My illness robbed me of all my glow, both internal and external. And I became afraid of flirting, or eye contact in general!. Too conscious of my body and of my raw and exposed soul. And I want to make an effort to get it back. Not because flirting is a live-survivor-skill, but it can brighten a day so much. And it’s not just the flirting itself, it’s a certain care-free, open attitude that I think suits me, but I have somehow lost. Flirtatiousness is not a (conscious) act, it’s a way of self-representation. And today, I dare you to do the same. To try to make this attitude yours; just give it a shot! And tell me what happened!!

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14 thoughts on “A Positive Month; Day 15

  1. I find eye contact really hard sometimes.
    I’m sorry I’m so quiet (again). I miss you! I smile every time one of your positive posts pops up in my inbox.
    Life threw me a rough patch and at the moment I’m just hanging on. Sometimes I can comment, sometimes that’s too much. But I’m here, and reading and thank you for giving me something that is positive and proactive to challenge myself with Sooz.
    eye contact… that’s challenging. And it’s a good thing to work on. people aren’t as scary as we often think they are… we might even get some smiles out of it :)
    Love you xxx

    • You’d be surprised, that if you throw someone smeyes (I think thats an ‘Americas Next Top Model’-thing, it’s smiling eyes!), that your look will pretty much always be answered in a positive way. Which is a certain way of affirmation again, which leaves you both feeling more positive!

      Hang on in there, it’ll be okay. And if not, it’ll turn out okay in the end as well. Email me if you need to vent.x

  2. Good god!
    Can’t do that, hun.
    I can make an eye contact with anyone. I can come up and talk to anyone. But not in THAT WAY. :D
    I guess I don’t have it. That sexiness in me. I’m truly the worse at picking up guys and I was always this way. I met my current bf on the internet, so come on!
    I’m skipping on this, Sooz. Don’t make me! Please.

  3. I’m willing to give it a shot, but I have a lot of reservations.
    I’m willing because I don’t want to be limited by my automatic assumptions. And because you’ve got some really fun ways of being that you are inviting us to explore.

    I noticed in my late thirties that I didn’t get the same kind of ‘looks’ from guys that I did all through my late teens and twenties. I never consciously tried to flirt or look a seductive way at others when I was younger. But I could instantly feel when that energy was there. Coming from guys…a lot of the time it was scary to me. At times it was unwanted because it seemed automatic and not really about me as a whole person. Other times – when it was a mutual instant look of recognition/attraction and I’d enjoy that. It was playful, fun and adventerous.

    Now a days, at times I have missed that looking into their eyes and seeing an instant attraction, aliveness wanting to connect with aliveness…..But I know it was -in part- a way that I got affirmed..made me feel OK.When I was deep in my addictions there was a noticeable drop in flirtatious looks. I wasn’t present but I think I also lost my attractiveness. My addicted self felt relieved to not have to deal with mens’ luring looks.

    But I am married now. How does this little exercise fit for someone who is married.
    It depends on the motives of the look….I can look into a strangers eyes with a motive of wanting to connect to their humanity, their unique aliveness, a trust in the mutual goodness we could share for a moment. It doesn’t have to be anything about flirting sexually or in the usual ways of playing with courting etc.

    I have no plans to go out today. So it’s unlikely that I will encounter a stranger. But I will keep this in mind for the next time I go out. Meanwhile, I will look into my dear husband’s eyes when he comes home from work. I will linger with the look a bit longer than usual and I’ll try to go beyond the usual to connect with him more deeply.

    • YES! “a look of mutual recognition”. “Playful, fun”. Yes! That’s what I mean. I don’t necessarily mean sexually tense looks. I mean that mutual click, a certain energy (not the uncomfortable “implying something” one!). An exchange of life, rather than lust.

      As I typed here before, you can try to do the ‘smeyes’ with someone on the streets. Eye contact exchanging some happy energy. When the exchange is actually mutual, it is so … reviving!?

      And with the hubs; Oooooo practice the one wíth lingering implications. Thé flirtatious ones. I know a lot of times when you’re in a relationship for quite a while, it’s so easy to forget to look at each other with thát look spontaneously. Without the ‘moment’ actually asking for it. Just him coming home and you having thát look in your eyes? Pretty sure it’ll send some happy chills down his spine :) Bc honestly, don’t we all love to see (especially our loved one!) look at us in that validating, loving, fun and adventurous way?

  4. I wanna see your sexy eyes.
    Gosh I cannot flirt right now….I have a huge stain on my tooth for one.
    This is seriously something I need to address stat, as soon as I get the 5k to figure out my tooth. Yes, 5K.
    Till then I commit to one sunrise before this month is over for sure and a REAL for real deal honest job from yesterday’s challenge.

    • 5K!? And hey, a flirt – or even just that eye-contact moment of any kind – doesn’t need teeth. Seriously, it’s the EYES! The Smeye!

      I really look forward to hear your view on yesterdays. Take your time though

  5. ew eye contact. i can’t. when i am feeling any bit of strange i just can’t. awesome you can, though! great, useful, brilliant abilities.

    and: your raw and exposed soul is beautiful. you’ll see that again.

  6. Pingback: A Positive Month; The round-up + an extra | THE WORLD OF CHAOS IN MY HEAD

  7. Pingback: Finding body-peace | THE WORLD OF CHAOS IN MY HEAD

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