(self) Help!

Isn’t it ironic (don’t you think)

… How all the self-help books in the world can’t help you save you from yourself?

(Do you read these types of books? Why? Did they do anything for you?)

12 thoughts on “(self) Help!

  1. As if i could grumble at you!!! you are one of the people who has stuck by and rallied me on as i continue to faff about with this semi-recovery :p
    i appreciate EVERY comment you make (even the ones that you cant post and therefore dont actually exist!) but im super pleased that you posted this one cos it reminded me that there are people out there who inspire me to shake MYSELF up! i know im procrastinating and putting things off, i just always seem to find these little loopholes in why i shud just go balls to the wall recovery. like i question whether i shud jump to 2500 straight away, or is it silly to put everything on a “magical” number and actually i shud just eat when im hungry, but then im not, or i dont know what to do so i wait… and wait… and well. i guess im still waiting! i know i shud do less activity. but then i find loopholes in the fact that im busy at work, so i think its ok. then i think maybe i dont need more calories if im less active so i dont know which one to pick. and then i stress more cos i think shud i do the same every day or just go with what my day ends up being like! GAH!!! i dont wanna be restrictive but i feel like having to make x cals or do x amount of activty is still controlling things…. i dont know what i want you to say really. except the cold hard facts. is it really ok to just STOP activity (or do bare minimum. wait WHAT IS BARE MINIMUM?!?!?!) and eat 2500??? is that what you did??? is it really the way to go? god i hate myself for being such a wimp sometimes. its only freaking WEIGHT after all…. i dont even care about the weight. i care about how it makes me feel :-(

    oops. essay post! ill stop and wait for you to shout some sense at me :p i hope youre holding up ok chick, i really admire you for your hard graft. you are a trooper… dont ever give up that :-) xx

    • 2500 is a bare minimum for normal people. A minimum to maintain on. Thats for people who don’t exercise daily, stand and walk all day, and ARE NOT IN RECOVERY FROM ANOREXIA. You, Clemmy, need a lot more than that. Because first of all, you need more to maintain (metabolism kickstart!) than ‘normal’ (non-AN)peeps, and you don’t just need to maintain, you actively (verb >) need to gain </verb). So don't get the idea in your head that upping to 2500 is your goal! You need to up it to 3500 for at least months (or longer) and then you can try and see what slowly lowering to 3000 does for you. And it might be entirely possible you can leave it at that and never go any lower. Again, a metabolism thing. I can't believe you're not even at 2500 yet. What on earth did those doctors ever tell you you should aim for?!

      As for exercise, I had a few weeks (no more) in recovery where I did five minutes of stretching in the morning. Then I made that stop as well. That was two years ago and NEVER exercised again. I go on sunday walks with my dad and the dog every week (since sundays happen every week) since a few months, and that's it. Yes, I feel huge, but no, I'm not. Not exercising didn't make me balloon out, and it won't make you either. It's so easy to let yourself take on every opportunity to justify as an excuse. You were just busy doing this, your friend asked you to that, you helped your mum do so and you had to do such. But you really need to ask yourself if you can not-do it. Just tell yourself you're 9monthspregnant or a high-royal-blood-will-not-lift-a-finger-princess. Whatever. Just let your body HEAL. There'll be plenty of time to do any form of moderate exercise in the rest of your lifetime after you've restored your health.

      I know its not about the weight, but about how it makes you feel. But right now this *thing* (weight, the lack thereof, the having to gain it, the judgeing of other people, etc) is on your mind 24/7 as well. So it's not like this is you at your most comfortablestest (< its a word) either, is it? So it's not exuse to stay in *this* place. You have to work on your SELF image (Seriously, people say 'body-image' but it's really so much more than that) anyway, whether your current weight or another. So if you have to do that hard work of working on yourself, might as well work on your healthy self than on your unhealthy self, which would only be unnecessary hard work because then that self will have to change at some point and you'd have to re-work it all out again. If that makes any sense.


      • God i feel like such a doofus. i eat less than normal people and that makes me feel safe. but i need to be eating the same if not MORE. this is silly!!!
        My doctors are pretty rubbish to be honest. since i got discharged from the op unit, i havent really been back for any kindof weighing, therapy or whatnot. When i was there, they had me eating more than i am now, but not alot more. and mainly cos it was spread out through the day, which meant i was stuffed by the evening. Now i dont eat as much during the day and eat more in the evenings when my stomach issues are less troublesome…
        3500 sounds like LOADS!! yes, the idea of 2500 sounds like alot. i thought that was my aim since i am 27 and therfore not a growing teen type :p i guess if i dont gain on 2500 then i need to upp it right? but i worry cos if im maintaining now, then surely i will gain unnecessarily on that amount? is it really necessary?

        i know im active in my lifestyle… i just dont think i am cos i dont “go to the gym”. But if im walking to work and back (half an hour) and standing up teaching for most of my working day (4-5hrs), then i guess that counts? But then why arent any of the other teachers skinny?!?!? (i know that sounds bad, but theyre not!!!) If i AM active doing this day-to-day stuff, then how much more do i have to eat? or shud i just try and get myself up to 2500 and stop finding reasons to wriggle out of it?! (i think i might have just answered my own Qn there :p) It reassures me that you say you do nothing but your weekly walk (and can i just say, how lovely that sounds!!! i try to walk with my mum&dog when shes here, but i get frustrated cos it makes me want to walk faster than them) But as horrible as this sounds… i sort of keep thinking that you must be very active doing some OTHER stuff or i dunno, SOMETHING. i just cant get it thru my skull that people wake up and just go about their day without having done this that and the other excersise stuff first. everything i do seems to revolve around how i can be active more. taking stairs, taking the long way round etc. its pathetic! i do manage to stop myself, but sometimes i dont even realise im doing it…. its so ingrained in me. i cant believe that NOT everyone is doing it :-( i feel like its intrinsically wrong not to. like we’d die or something… its almost like ive made it as important as breathing!! :s

        again, thankyou for listening to me babble… i wish i could answer your ACTUAL qna dn give you some advice too. but sadly im kindof needing the advice myself! My mealplan is kindof bad, cos i know WHAT i shud be eating but cant believe that that is considered “normal”. im so out of whack with reality on this one, i dont know what a normal days food looks like…

        you make alot of sense and i DO think that i need to come to some kindof peace with my body, i need to stop thinking that i broke it somehow and caused it to get sick. i certainly need to learn how to treat it better, thats for damn sure! Any ideas/advice on how to do that? cos in op, we did self esteem classes etc, but i dont actually HAVE low self esteem!!! i think im ok generally… my problem is, that i just dont trust my body!

        (email me if this is getting too rambled!! clemmystar@yahoo.co.uk)

  2. Hey there,
    about self help books. I’ve read some. The ones that have been helpful are the ones that I applied with the help of other people.

    One I really got a lot out of was a book on goal setting. It was set up like a work book and you got together with a small group of friends and did it together. We did it and it was the group support and our commitment to giving it a go that really made it work. Since then I’ve used those tools a lot. But I think I’d emphasize that it was doing it with other people that worked for me.

    • Oh I can totally imagine it would help if you’d do it together. Then it’d be more of a ‘training’ than ‘self-help’, I suppose! Pretty cool you had a group of friends getting committed together!

  3. I don’t really read self-help books. My mom reads them a lot and sometimes when we talk, she’ll just shovel one down at me, kind of going “shut up, stop bothering me and just gulp this one up”. I prefer exchanging via the Net or sometimes I’ll google something useful up like “how to beat depression”.

    • I find a lot of the self-help books frustrating because they always make me feel like you need some sort of moment where things ‘click’, an ‘a-ha’, a turn around, an epiphany etc. Major turn-off imo!

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