Missing (in action, etc)

I just realized something
(and I realize how strange this’ll sound but…)

I miss me.

And I was going to post a picture of where I felt like me, but then decided not to. There’s many of them. Many happy pictures. Many pictures where I think (with hindsight, and maybe even in that moment) I looked okay. Or even good. But more importantly; where I felt good. Which shows in the picture. But I chickened out of posting them, because I feel so, so, SO far from that right now,so far from good. And I have no idea how to reach it anymore. And browsing through those pictures hurts, so bad. So, so bad.

I miss me,
so badly


12 thoughts on “Missing (in action, etc)

  1. I know, hun. I kinda miss me too. So I impart the rout. It like it’s just a step away – the vibrant me and I can’t reach to it…
    Though I wish you shared the pictures. I’d really like to meet YOU!

  2. I understand. I miss you, and I miss me too. Sometimes I wonder how I can miss myself when I never knew myself anyway.
    I’d really like to see pictures of you too.
    Love and hugs xoxo

      • NOT WASTED my friend. No way. If that were true, every time we have fought so hard and then relapsed would be a waste and it’s not. We are always gaining insight, knowledge, pieces of the puzzle. Every step we have taken is a step forward and we have gained something that we keep, no matter if we relapse or start going backwards or not. Hold onto that. You will see her again. xx

  3. I know exactly what you mean Sooz.

    I honestly thought I’d be ‘back to my old self’, but it seems I’m a shadow of my former self! Hopefully we’ll be back to the good old ways soon enough xx

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