The lovely Fiona nominated me for an award. An award. Waaahh? In real life I have never won anything, even if I did enter a competition. Now I win an award without even trying? Ha! Beat that!
Now, this is going to sound cheesy, but, I never thought I’d have actual ‘followers’, let alone blog-buds!! As you can tell by my non frequency of posts, I don’t blog for blogging. I know nothing about this blogging world and blogging etiquette. I don’t promote my blog. I didn’t know there were blog-fights, or websites where people criticize blogs, and blog-enemies and such until like 2 weeks ago. And no, I did not care enough to go explore it . When I started this blog, I did for exactly what my profile says; to make sense of the (self)induced chaos in my head. I had no idea about blogging, other blogs, followers and commenting. I just wrote things out for me. Because I did not have the patience to keep a proper journal, and my perfectionism kept me from doing so. God forbid I misspelled something or my handwriting wasn’t as neat as I wanted it to be! So I wrote them down on a blog, to save me the trouble. And it allowed me perfectioning editing.
They were in Dutch at first. And just a few sentences per post. I didn’t start blogging in English until half a year later. Nobody knew about my blog and I didn’t know anyone else’s. I am not sure how I first stumbled on other blogs, but I found them. Healthy living blogs, recovery blogs.. A world opened before my eyes. I wasn’t alone in this craziness!!
When I embarked on my journey of recovery (January 1st 2011), I ‘decided’ to do so without a treatment team. Without knowing other people suffering from an eating disorder, or people who managed to overcome it. I felt lonely. Stuck in my crazy land. I didn’t know what normal looked like anymore, and what to blame on what. Finding blogs of people going through or having gone through the same was an eye-opener. They found words to describe what I was going through, but couldn’t articulate. It was such a relief!!
I also don’t remember when I left my first comment on someone else’s blog. But somewhere along the blogging history a traffic of commenting back and forth started and it helped me immensely. Through trying to help someone else make sense of their craziness, I started to understand my own more, too. And I cannot preach someone else to keep going ‘upwards and onwards’ if I stay stuck in limbo. I cannot tell someone else they’re not even halfway there gaining, if I refuse to eat myself. I need to practice what I preach. So through spamming conversing online with others, I pushed myself to challenge my own thoughts and actions, too.
The award is greatly appreciated. Not because of the award itself; I never signed up for a competition by blogging, and when I start to feel this is a competition, that will be the moment I stop blogging. It is appreciated because I can be quite the insecure little lady (what?!). My blog was for ME, not other readers. I get insecure because I don’t post often. Or sometimes too much. Because sometimes I spam your blogs with comments longer than the original blog post. Because English is not my native language and sometimes I can’t find the right words. Because I write posts without editing, and later don’t like the way things came out. Because I don’t check my grammar. Because I accidentally leave out important bits or ramble about nonsense. I get insecure because, well, my eating disorder feeds on it (pun intended). Insecurity is in my nature. And perfectionism too. That can be quite the combination, indeed.. So the award is appreciated because it reassures me, I suppose. So I thank you Fiona for this :)
I did, however, decide not to ‘nominate’ anyone. BECAUSE; I love you all. I so so so highly appreciate ALL of your comments, advice, questions, feedback, rants, emails etc. It has meant a world of difference to me. Thank you so much for that. So, everyone and anyone reading this; feel free to answer the questions listed! Whether I already know you or not, whether you’re a follower or not, feel free to do so!! Same goes with any blog post btw. Because I really really REALLY appreciate your feedback. << Ass kissing over! >>
This is what I ‘have to’ do!
The steps to take, preferably with joy
1. Include the award logo somewhere in your blog.
2. Answer these 10 questions, below, for fun if you want to.
3. Nominate 10 to 12 blogs you enjoy. Or you pick the number.
4. Pay the love forward: Provide your nominee’s link in your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.
5. Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.
(Sorry that my award has stretchmarks. I wanted it to fit there. And this is real life y’all. In real life, stretchmarks happen!)
1. What is your favorite colour?
It used to be red. Now I’m thinking pink. I blame it on my awesome hot pink boots… (though I love my red ones too. And blue ones. And green ones. And purple ones. And… Oh you know)
2. What is your favorite animal?
I’m a dog person. Their loyalty and cuteness? Ahww. But I also love tigers and their likes (panthers, black cats, etc)! Just wouldn’t curl up on the couch with them so willingly..
3. What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Coffee and tea! And my friend just got me hooked on iced green tea.
4. Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter?
I don’t have twitter! I’m one of those smartphone-less people. Oldskoolvintage baby!
5. What is your favorite pattern?
I prefer non(self)destructive ones.. And ones I don’t get stuck in!
(other than that; panther or flowers. I own pieces of clothing of every sort in both prints! Yes, I am tacky like that!)
6. Do you prefer giving or getting presents?
Giving! I get excited like a three year old at Christmas when I find a perfect gift for someone. And I give gifts for the pleasure of giving, not because of (birthday/holiday)dates
7. What is your favorite number?
I don’t think I have one anymore! If I have to list something; 2, 44 and 62. My (current, parental and former) house numbers
8. What is your favorite day of the week?
Fridays. TGIF!! (I’m not American, so yes, I’m one of the dorks who thinks that’s cool)
9. What is your favorite flower?
I usually have a bouquet of tulips on my table (stereotype Dutch I hear?). But I also love cherry blossoms; to me it represents fresh starts and the beginning of better weather (which usually to me means feeling better). But I also love roses, freesias, peonies, ehh.. well. I just like flowers
10. What’s your passion?
I am not sure. I love travelling! I’m also a people person (hate that expression). I love kids. I love chilling in the sun, festivals, hanging out with friends, etc. But my passion? I think I haven’t quite figured it out yet.
If there’s any other (silly) questions; shoot ahead! You gotta love some randomness every now and then!