Random things and thinks

So, it’s been a while, hm? I’ve been meaning to post a gazillion of times, but something always gets in the way of doing so (ie, lack of internet.. Yes, still.. Or just a completely chaotic brain)

I am currently SWAMPED in work (three deadlines tomorrow, that’s why I’m posting now, ofcourse. Procrastination, me? Nah!) and three more later this week, and like 30 more in the next month or so. BUT, I did book a trip to Istanbul end of the month for just a few days, and then the first week of next month is almost a full week of Berlin. And then this summer… Yeah. Five weeks of Cuba baby! I NEED to get out again, or Ill go mental (or, even more mental would be more appropriate here, I suppose..)

Of all the things I have been meaning to write, here’s a few that pop into my head. So, the random thinks and things of the past month included;

  • Too much partying. Or well, not too much. A lot. And I loved it. Still not able to flirt again, though. Cannot get over the ‘omg I’m standing here and I probably look like a whale in a fishtank’ type of thoughts to actually be able to relax
  • My dog has gotten to the point of becoming my personal ‘animal cop’. Whenever I get the heebeegeebees (or; I stress out so much the only thing I can think of doing is binge) she will barricade the door with her big black butt, or lean against the kitchen cupboards. And if I manage to beat her to it, she’ll start howling. She’ll then bring her leash to let me know we need to get some fresh air, which always does wonders. I think she’s like an angel in (very good, ADD disordered, naughty, hairy) disguise.
  • I gained more. I am now bigger (size and weight wise) than I have ever been in my entire life. This is scary, uncomfortable and completely able to make me burst into tears any time of day at any place whatsoever (crocodile tears and huffs and puffs in rush hour public transport? Awesome…)
  • I wore short-sleeved shirts for the first time again last weekend, and have done so ever since. It has been almost two entire years since I had done that, because before my arms were too emaciated to be shown. Now I feel like they’re too fat, flabby, fluffy and fleshy to be shown, but I force them into day light anyway. I think the real Jupiter has now received my light-signals mutiple times, because my arms are so.damn.WHITE that I am pretty sure the sun reflection upon them can bounce off into the Milky way
  • ‘Ummm excuse me madam? Do you know your way around here?’, ‘Well, you’re currently standing in my doorway so yeah, I guess I could go for local’. ‘Would you happen to know where to find the Irish Pub?’. ‘If you turn the corner your standing at right now, it’s the first door on your left’. ‘Oh shit, that’s close. I’m sorry. Thanks! You wouldn’t care to join later today, would you?’.
  • I started Yoga (kundalini?). It’s not physical exercise at all (which I’d hoped), but more meditation. It’s only once a week and all about relaxation of the mind. My teacher is an awesome guy. But where I thought I’d be a complete fail because I am the most un-athletic, non-flexible person on earth (without exaggeration here!), I now find myself a complete fail because I CAN NOT LIE STILL AND JUST BE WITH MY THOUGHTS! I think I’ll try and talk to my teacher about it next week
  • I survived the dentists. He’s making me come back next week to pull out 2 of my wisdom teeth. With finals and deadlines only accumulating, this sounds like a very bad idea to me. Do NOT take my WISDOM teeth! I think I’ll ask him to put them in a jar so I can turn them into some creepy accesoiry. That way I can keep my wisdom with me, yet also pass it on. Ha!
  • Sometimes I do okay, sometimes I do not. Currently, I do not. I am an utter mess, a complete chaos. Stress is making me freak and turn to my (very unproductive) coping mechanism in the form of bingeing. Big time. Haven’t done this THIS badly in quite a while, and definately not ever while being this big a size (obvs, since I’m now bigger than ever that would already make that impossible I suppose). I need to retune my mind now, but am unsure how. Thoughts, anyone? I had a complete all-our panic cry this morning for an our straight (while already shitfaced from last nights drinks and 2-5 am binge. Oh so lovely indeed)
  • Went out to dinner with my besties and realized how I am not living the life of a proper adult. I feel (and know I am) more like a good 15 year old. Actually, I am now more a proper 15year old girl than I was when I was actually a fifteen year old girl! Those were my wild years (15-20), but even my wild years were very decent I guess, looking back. I feel so…. left out on life.
  • Sushi is the best food in the world. And nothing is better than to pair it with some sparkly wine. Gosh, that makes the world so much better. (okay, plys a pint of ice cream to finish maybe….)
  • No need to say I guess; I booked a shitload of travels. Istanbul, Berlin, Cuba and possibly also Malaysia, here I come. 2012 will finally be the year my backpack and camera will see daylight again.
  • I am just SO friggin tired. My mind’s on overload, which is not really helping my insomnia, and my pain is back which is really not very helpful either. And I refuse to go back on sleeping  pills. Which sometimes means taking shitloads of painkillers to get me through the night, which basically causes restlessness and nightmares (+ nightsweats like a rainstorm found my bed and decided to empty its belly all over it)

So, any input into my chaos? And more importantly; what have you all been up to?

 

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3 thoughts on “Random things and thinks

  1. Hey Miss!

    So jealous of your travelling plans, sounds awesome. I love that you have an ‘Animal Cop!’, so funny, Dogs have a weird sixth sense sometimes don’t they?

    I completely relate to the weight/size thing, I feel like I’m in a strangers body right now. My body didn’t have this much flesh on it. With the ‘left out on life’ thing, me too. My friends are married/have children/have careers – I have an eating disorder. I want to be fun again! But it sounds like you’re on your way with all your socialising and being asked for drinks – aces! Well done for braving the sleeves as well, hard to go from hiding because they’re too skinny to hiding because you think they’re big.

    Sorry you’re so stressed with work deadlines, and I’m afraid I can’t really be much help with all that! It’s brilliant that you’ve got travels planned for afterwards though to give you some focus and drive. You’re doing a lot better than you think Sooz xxx

  2. Thank you for your words Meg :) I’m still all for a meet up in London at some point! Seeiing half of the world yet never having been there, I think a meet up there with the bunch of us would make the perfect excuse to cross the pond ;)

  3. Awesome plans to travel! It sounds like you have made a lot of important steps forward so well done!
    Sushi is AMAZING. I recently discovered it too… where has it been all my life :) xx

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