Sugar auntie

Oh my two little angels, how they manage to  keep me going. If only they’d have a clue…

I was babysitting them today, when the youngest (2 years old) all of a sudden called for me; ‘ Hoo?’ (I know, charming nickname…) ‘Me petty?’ I, on a serious mission to continuesly let these two little ones know how much they mean to me/us, how great, smart, capable, pretty, lovely and precious they are, replied that ofcourse she was pretty. That she and her big sis were the two most prettiest and most precious girls I knew. Didn’t they agree? Then the eldest (she turned 5 two weeks ago) looked at me and replied that she disagreed. ‘No, I think my mommy and you are the prettiest in the whooole wide world’. And they both snug up with me on the couch and I was covered in sloppy, wet kisses and painfully tight hugs.

Gosh, if only they knew. If only they knew what I’ve done to myself for the past 2 years. What I’m still doing to myself. How incredibly unhappy I am with the person I am, inside AND out. And here they are, these two little angels, who I love more than anyone, who I try to teach so desperatly to never ever feel about themselves the way I do about myself, who on most days are the only ones that can make me smile and forget about all my crap, thinking their mom and me are the prettiest and nicest and bestest girls in the world.

And I hadn’t even bribed them with anything yet…

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4 thoughts on “Sugar auntie

  1. That is unbearably cute. Almost (but not quite) sickenly so.

    All it does is prove that your perception of yourself is not objective fact, but subjective opinion. Children don’t lie and they don’t do it to make you feel better or be nice. They just mean it. And if they can believe it, other people will too!

    Hope things are going ok x.

    • Yeah, who’s trying to teach what to who, really?! Here I am, thinking I can try and teach them to feel good about themselves, and here they are doing just that to me! The darn little buggers..

  2. thanks for posting on my blog! you are right, i DO need to be more pro-active… just because i am feeling ill and letting myself lie in bed, the fact that i am unable to eat as much is keeping the ED happy… that isnt recovery and i fully intend to chow down some serious energy giving food when im back on good solid food… i miss it!!!
    I know how you feel about having children around… they are such positive motivators. being a teacher, their natural curiosity and honest inspires me to try harder. i want to be better for the kids aswell as for myself, i dont want them to look up at me and think that this is a good way to look.

    • Even nonsolid food comes in energyrich forms. Oh the lovely Ensures… I know they’re yuck, I know ED hates them, I know it’s really not what you wanna be having when you’re feeling ill, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even though it’s not what you WANNA do…
      And the kids.. Yeah. I know we have to recover for ourselves. Because we want to. But if you’re not yet there, it might help to ‘do it for them’. At least, it helped me. I so do NOT want them to EVER follow in my footsteps! Ghandi said; be the change you wanna see. So yeah, we need to consider our rolls as rollmodels to those kids as well

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