I wish I could post a new Wednesday Wisdom here, but I can’t. There is no wisdom in me left. And no desire to go looking for it anymore either. I have hit rock bottom, once again. The past month has been horrendous. Absolute horror. There has not been one single day without binging, most of them even including multiple binges. For a month straight. I’m a mess. I can’t seem to get my mind straight. I can’t seem to focus. And right now, I can’t even seem to care anymore. I’ve have lost all lust for life. Right now I should be at Uni, taking an exam, but I’m sitting at home completely frustrated with myself. I didn’t study for my exam because I couldn’t focus. And therefor I binged even more. Which made the chaos in my head even bigger, hence, another binge follower. Again. Again. Again. And everytime again I realize what I’m doing to that poor body of mine. I wonder why it hasn’t stopped functioning yet. I can’t believe it’s still working after all I’ve put it through. And when it’s finally calming down, I do it again. No oopsy cutesy Britneys there. I am destroying myself. Sometimes I wish my body would indeed just give up. At least that would calm things down. At least then the horror’d be over
Last night, I spent the entire night sleeping on the cold, hard, wooden floor next to my puppy. She cuddled up right next to me, licking the tears from my face and the blood from my fingers. And all I felt was guilt for interrupting her sleep. I wish I knew where to go Christmasshopping for some renewed spirit, because this is no way to end the year. I have lost my love for life. I have lost my lust for life. For I am completely lost in life.